Prepared.

28 Aug

The good news is that I had the day off work.

The bad other news is that it’s because of a typhoon.  Allegedly. 

…but it does explain yesterday’s 200% humidity increase.  On my face.

……………

Yesterday, my boss called me when I was trying to get my visa for next month’s Beijing trip. NBD.  It was a sunny, cloudless afternoon when she told me not to come into work because of a typhoon.  To which I responded: “It would be really cruel if this was a joke, AND you’ll have to fire me because either way I’m not coming to work now.”

Then she told me to stock up on food and to stay inside all day.  Which is what I call Sunday.

I immediately realized that I had no idea WTF a typhoon actually was.  Being from the most landlocked of all the continental states, I’m good at waiting out tornadoes, and being really bored.  I’m not, however, knowledgeable about typhoons, monsoons, or tropical anythings.  (To be honest, it all just makes me think of some sad, new reporter in a huge yellow raincoat, getting pelted with rain and wind on some abandoned beach, while telling us “Conditions are bad on the southernmost tip of Florida.”  Totally.)

Image

Just to clarify, your report is telling me NOT to go to the beach today?!

Three hours later, I asked the mom of the girl I tutor what a typhoon realistically meant for my Tuesday.  She got as far as “roofs can blow off” before I sprinted out her door and to the elevator, but NOT before I heard her laughing at me.  Rude.

………..

24 hours later, it seems like we all overreacted.  From what I could scientifically gather between frequent naps, it has been rainy and windy all day.  Like every other miserable day in August.  That being said, thank you Typhoon Bolaven for giving me yet another reason to stay in and watch TV instead of actually doing anything like work or going to the gym.  (But in a misguided bout of energy, I did attempt to make polka dots on my nails using a bobby pin.  Results: Pending.)

………..

Despite already having written a post about hibernation and avoiding people, here’s a quick list of any typhoon-day-in must haves:

-Enough Dr. Pepper to last a week.  It’s better to overestimate than find yourself in a dire situation.  (If you think I won’t be highly caffeinated up until the minute I die, then you’re sorely mistaken)

-Gummy Bears, Goldfish, Subway sandwiches, and On The Border take-out.  While I always believe cooking to be a waste of time, that goes double for freebie no-work days.

-Nail polish. Der.  Bobby pins optional but recommended.

-Internet, as this is the perfect time to catch up on any Facebook stalking you may have neglected.  Also, if the internet goes out, just assume the typhoon is for real, and your life is over.

-A smartphone to: 1) Text friends about the lack of typhoon action and all the TV you’re watching 2) play Angry Birds Space 3) check Facebook from the bed since you’re ghetto and must use an ethernet cable for your laptop.

-Books!  I’m currently on sabbatical from all things high-brow and am switching back and forth between Chelsea Handler and David Sedaris. 

-As many illegally-downloaded TV shows and movies as possible.  I took today as a sign that it’s finally time to start watching Breaking Bad.  Verdict: I’m into it. Also, meth is scary.

-A bed. Naps are key.

Enjoy your slightly above average windy day!

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